NonSoccerMom.com

In the backyard wading pool:

AE:  I don’t like Miss T’s swimsuit shirt.  You need to take that off of her.

Me:  Miss T has to wear a top.

AE:  Why?

Me:  Because she’s a girl.

AE:  So?

Me [wishing I hadn't opened this particular can of worms]: Ah, well, because girls need to keep their tops covered.  Private areas and all that.  [Anatomy lesson FAIL.]

AE:  The girls at my school don’t wear tops when we have swim day.

Me:  Really now.  I find that hard to believe.

AE [shrugs]:  Well, they don’t.

Me [too stupid to let it go]:  They don’t wear tops at all?

AE:  Nope.

Me [can't stop]:  They have to wear tops.  Girls your age can’t just walk around without shirts!  It’s inappropriate!

AE:  Why?

N [is getting a good laugh at the expense of idiot wife]:  Yes, why is that, dear?

Me [reverting to a 6-year-old's level]:  Because they just can’t!

AE:  Well, they wear little pieces to cover this part [gestures to indicate a bikini].

Me:  See?  I knew they had to be wearing something.

AE [nods agreement]:  To cover their nipples.

Me [realizing I've been had]:  GAH.

*****

At the local Ulta (A place I recommend avoiding if you are feeling even remotely unattractive because going in there when you feel ugly is like going to the grocery store when you haven’t eaten in a week.):

Bored Cashier:  Your total is $111.49.

Me:  GAH.

AE [is incredulous]:  Did she say $11.49?  Because I thought I heard her put a one in front of that.

Me:  DEAR GOD.  Don’t tell your father.

AE:  That’s a lot of money for not much stuff.

*****

Getting ready for bed:

AE:  So, how old was Grandma’s father when he died?  Seventy-eight?  Seventy-nine?

Me [puzzled by this line of questioning]:  Sounds about right.  That was way before my time.  I never knew him, sweetie.  Your dad wasn’t much older than you at the time.

AE:  Yeah, I know.  But that’s pretty old, huh?

Me [continuing the conversation for reasons unknown]:  Yeah, I guess, but your Great-grandpa Frank was a lot older than that when he died.

AE:  How old was he?

Me:  Ninety-two.

AE:  Wow!  That’s pretty old!

Me:  Yep.  Sure is.

AE [cheerfully]:  Guess we’ll have to see if Me-Me makes it to be that old!

Me [completely caught off guard by this entire discussion]:  I…guess?  GAH.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 24th, 2009 at 12:45 pm and is filed under Motherhood uncensored. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.