This is what I’m dealing with, people. STILL. And you wonder why I’m half insane.
Me: [sound asleep, 3:07 a.m.] zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
N: PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
Me: [wide awake] GOD.
N: [silence]
Me: zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Miss T: WAHHHHHHHHH!
Me: DAMMIT. [get up, re-pacifier toddler]
N: PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Me: SHUT. UP.
N: PSHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHh
Me: GODDAMN. ENOUGH. [covering head with hot, uncomfortable pillow]
N: PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Me: [seriously considering going outside in freezing temperatures to retrieve ear plugs that are still in the car from the gun range]
N: PSHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Me: [lusting after ear plugs]
N: PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Me: HUSBAND. YOU ARE KILLING ME WITH THE WOOSHING. ROLL OVER! FOR THE LOVE.
N: PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh
Me: [shove husband with foot, HARD]
N: PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Me: [whimpering softly]
N: [sits up] What? Who?
You are nicer than me. I kick my husband until he quiets up or I will mess with his face until he rolls over. Luckily he seldom snores or we would probably sleep in separate bedrooms.
I generally just push on him and keep sating roll over, roll over ROLL OVER! Until I give up and go upstairs to sleep.
I think if I could have a super power it would be the power of being able to fall asleep instantly and sleep through anything. I guess women don’t have that so we can hear the babies…but it just isn’t fair. I got no babies yet. I just want sleep. WIthout snoring in my ear.
I can’t. Stop. Laughing.