Hard sell
I suppose that some people are easily swayed by TV commercials, promotional gimmicks, magazine ads, pushy salespeople and the like. Unfortunately for the marketing world at large, I am not one of these people.
Scene: At home, around 9:15 p.m. on a weeknight. My cell phone rings, from a number I don’t recognize. I answer anyway.
Local cable provider sales guy: Hello, Ms. [Totally Botched Attempt at Pronouncing My Last Name]! How are you this evening?
Me: It’s [Correct Pronunciation of My Last Name]. I’m fine, thanks.
LCPSG: Well, I’m calling to let you know about our special offer! Right now, if you sign up for our long-distance service-
Me: Stop right there. We don’t have a land line.
LCPSG: I’m sorry?
Me: No land line. I’m not interested in any sort of long-distance package.
LCPSG: Oh. I see. Well is there something else you would be interested in?
Me: Only if you can lower my current bill and keep my cable and internet package exactly the same.
LCPSG: Hmm. Let me see what you have here…it seems the only package I can offer is the long-distance, which is an excellent deal at-
Me: I’m really not interested, thank you.
LCPSG: But you really can’t beat a deal like this!
Me: Sure I can. By not having a land line.
LCPSG: [pause] Well okay! Have a nice night!
*****
Scene: On the phone with the company that comes to fertilize our lawn every quarter, something I’ve been intending to cancel for ages.
Customer service rep: Hello, Ms. [Totally Botched Attempt at Pronouncing My Last Name]. This is Joan.
Me: Hi, Joan. I’m calling to cancel our treatment service.
Joan: I see. Have you been dissatisfied with the service at all?
Me: Nope. Just want to cancel it.
Joan: May I ask why?
Me: Because it’s expensive, and we don’t really need it, and we’re trying to save money wherever we can.
Joan: Oh. Well, is there anything I can do to keep you as a customer?
Me: I doubt it. I just want to cancel.
Joan: I can offer you half off your next treatment.
Me: No, thank you. Just cancel, please.
Joan: Maybe you would just like to cut the service back to twice a year?
Me: Nope. Zero times a year. I would like to cancel, please.
Joan: [sighs] Okay. Hold on a moment, let me get your cancellation confirmation number.
February 23rd, 2010 at 5:53 pm
Here is how both of those conversations would have gone for me, the eternal people pleaser: “Oh, well I guess that sounds like a good deal. Sign me up!” Signed, Sucker.
February 23rd, 2010 at 9:52 pm
Had a similar conversation with the zQuiet lady the other day (yeah I ordered the zQuiet anti-snore device after seeing the ad on tv…). It had a 30 day money back guarantee and after a week of the hubs refusing to wear it, I called to get my refund number. The lady asked me why I was returning it…I said, well, do you want the honest answer? She says, yes. I say, “because my husband is a big fat baby who refuses to wear it.” She spent the next 10 minutes offering me everything from an extension of the 30 days to a price reduction to get me to keep it. She also went on to tell me about her boyfriend who also didn’t want to wear it, but finally gave it a chance, blah blah. I stood my ground, though
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:13 pm
Yet if any of these people were actually standing at our front door, you’d totally buy whatever they were selling. As evidenced by the jug of green apple cleaning stuff underneath our kitchen sink that’ll last us until the year 2047.
February 24th, 2010 at 8:17 am
As my smart-ass husband pointed out, I do tend to be a sucker for the personal delivery of sob stories. Also Girl Scout cookies.
February 24th, 2010 at 9:32 am
I called out cable provider and asked if I could get a better deal than I was currently getting since my promotion expired. The lady said, well you could upgrade and it would be $8 more a month, but you get a $30 rebate. I was like – so in 3 months I’m not just back to this ridiculously high bill, but I’m going to be paying $8 more? No thanks – I took math.