Three conversations
Scene: After dinner, at my parents’ house in the swamp. One of my grandmas is trying to jog the other one’s memory.
Grandma: You know. Helen. She’s Bill’s cousin’s wife.
Mee-Mee: [thinking] Hmm. No, I don’t think I know her.
Grandma: Yes, yes you do. Helen Smith! She used to go to your church.
Mee-Mee: [confused] No…? I…I just don’t remember her.
Grandma: [gearing up for a long, drawn-out story that will undoubtedly be pointless] Well-
Aunt Glo: [rolling her eyes] Oh, please. Bottom line? She’s dead.
Me: [unable to keep from laughing hysterically]
N: [also laughing hysterically]
AE: [always the voice of reason] I don’t think that’s appropriate.
*****
Scene: Our bedroom. Miss T is using the bed as her personal trampoline.
Me: Hey! No jumping on the bed, please.
Miss T: I jump on bed! Is tamp-o-een.
Me: No. No, it is NOT a trampoline. It’s a bed. For sleeping.
Miss T: [still jumping] Fo seeping?
Me: Yes. For sleeping. Not jumping.
Miss T: [thinking it over] Is tamp-o-een!
Me: No, it isn’t. Come on, let’s go play in the living room. No more jumping. Come on, now.
Miss T: [waving and jumping] Bye-bye, Mama! Mama go play dollhouse! See oo yater!
N: I think she just told you to get lost.
Me: I believe she did.
Miss T: [jumping and grinning] Bye!
*****
Scene: Reminiscing as we drive around the swamp, late Saturday evening.
Me: There’s Dairy Bar. Man, it looks exactly the same.
N: That place is nasty. I didn’t set foot in there until I was a teenager, then I turned around and walked right back out.
Me: Well, we used to eat there all the time when I was growing up. Because it was so close to the house, I guess. [pointing out window] We used to live right over there.
N: [puzzled] What? Goddamn, how many places did you live growing up? I thought you lived over there. [pointing in the opposite direction]
Me: [also puzzled] What are you talking about? We never lived over there. Why would you think we lived over there?
N: [indignant] Because you told me that you lived over there. We drove past it one day!
Me: Noooo, I don’t think so.
N: Yes! Yes, why would I make up something like that? You told me you lived over there!!
Me: Why would I make up something like THAT? It isn’t TRUE!! We never lived anywhere near there!
N: I think you did.
Me: For God’s sake, man. I may be forgetful, but I don’t think I would be wrong about the location of my childhood home!
N: Maybe you had a friend or something that lived over there?
Me: No. No one. At no point did I, or anyone I know, live in that neighborhood. I just don’t have any clue where you’re coming up with this.
N: [pulling into my parents' driveway] We’ll settle this. I’ll ask your mother. She’ll know.
Me: I don’t need to ask my mother. I know! We never lived over there!
N: I think you did.
Me: GAH!!
March 14th, 2010 at 11:04 pm
You did tell me you lived over there. Why would I make that up? Bottom line, you’re crazy.
March 15th, 2010 at 9:20 am
“bottom line? she’s dead” HAHA! that is too funny
March 15th, 2010 at 10:24 am
OMG, I can’t believe I missed all this. hahaha. Where was N saying we lived? And where were YOU saying we lived? I never thought we lived THAT close to Dairy Bar? Was I alive for this? Maybe you ARE crazy.
March 15th, 2010 at 10:44 am
I have conversations like this last one with my husband all the time. I swear he’s Gaslighting me (although why bother with the effort, my kids will make me insane in time perfectly well without his help)
March 16th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Um, I’m pretty sure you lived down the street from me, which is relatively close to Dairy Bar, but not so close like walking distance or anything.
Also, I LOVE Dairy Bar Vanilla cokes and their ice – better than Sonic.
That is all.
I have beguin asking my mother if stories end in people being dead the second she asks “Do you remember so and so?” and I say “Why? Are they dead?”
March 16th, 2010 at 1:17 pm
Right, Kristine. Not walking distance, but quite frankly Dairy Bar isn’t worth driving more than about 5 minutes!!
March 16th, 2010 at 10:49 pm
In N’s defense, you did seem to move a lot, even though it was all in the same town!!