Scene: After dinner, at my parents’ house in the swamp. One of my grandmas is trying to jog the other one’s memory.
Grandma: You know. Helen. She’s Bill’s cousin’s wife.
Mee-Mee: [thinking] Hmm. No, I don’t think I know her.
Grandma: Yes, yes you do. Helen Smith! She used to go to your church.
Mee-Mee: [confused] No…? I…I just don’t remember her.
Grandma: [gearing up for a long, drawn-out story that will undoubtedly be pointless] Well-
Aunt Glo: [rolling her eyes] Oh, please. Bottom line? She’s dead.
Me: [unable to keep from laughing hysterically]
N: [also laughing hysterically]
AE: [always the voice of reason] I don’t think that’s appropriate.
*****
Scene: Our bedroom. Miss T is using the bed as her personal trampoline.
Me: Hey! No jumping on the bed, please.
Miss T: I jump on bed! Is tamp-o-een.
Me: No. No, it is NOT a trampoline. It’s a bed. For sleeping.
Miss T: [still jumping] Fo seeping?
Me: Yes. For sleeping. Not jumping.
Miss T: [thinking it over] Is tamp-o-een!
Me: No, it isn’t. Come on, let’s go play in the living room. No more jumping. Come on, now.
Miss T: [waving and jumping] Bye-bye, Mama! Mama go play dollhouse! See oo yater!
N: I think she just told you to get lost.
Me: I believe she did.
Miss T: [jumping and grinning] Bye!
*****
Scene: Reminiscing as we drive around the swamp, late Saturday evening.
Me: There’s Dairy Bar. Man, it looks exactly the same.
N: That place is nasty. I didn’t set foot in there until I was a teenager, then I turned around and walked right back out.
Me: Well, we used to eat there all the time when I was growing up. Because it was so close to the house, I guess. [pointing out window] We used to live right over there.
N: [puzzled] What? Goddamn, how many places did you live growing up? I thought you lived over there. [pointing in the opposite direction]
Me: [also puzzled] What are you talking about? We never lived over there. Why would you think we lived over there?
N: [indignant] Because you told me that you lived over there. We drove past it one day!
Me: Noooo, I don’t think so.
N: Yes! Yes, why would I make up something like that? You told me you lived over there!!
Me: Why would I make up something like THAT? It isn’t TRUE!! We never lived anywhere near there!
N: I think you did.
Me: For God’s sake, man. I may be forgetful, but I don’t think I would be wrong about the location of my childhood home!
N: Maybe you had a friend or something that lived over there?
Me: No. No one. At no point did I, or anyone I know, live in that neighborhood. I just don’t have any clue where you’re coming up with this.
N: [pulling into my parents' driveway] We’ll settle this. I’ll ask your mother. She’ll know.
Me: I don’t need to ask my mother. I know! We never lived over there!
N: I think you did.
Me: GAH!!
You did tell me you lived over there. Why would I make that up? Bottom line, you’re crazy.
“bottom line? she’s dead” HAHA! that is too funny
OMG, I can’t believe I missed all this. hahaha. Where was N saying we lived? And where were YOU saying we lived? I never thought we lived THAT close to Dairy Bar? Was I alive for this? Maybe you ARE crazy.
I have conversations like this last one with my husband all the time. I swear he’s Gaslighting me (although why bother with the effort, my kids will make me insane in time perfectly well without his help)
Um, I’m pretty sure you lived down the street from me, which is relatively close to Dairy Bar, but not so close like walking distance or anything.
Also, I LOVE Dairy Bar Vanilla cokes and their ice – better than Sonic.
That is all.
I have beguin asking my mother if stories end in people being dead the second she asks “Do you remember so and so?” and I say “Why? Are they dead?”
Right, Kristine. Not walking distance, but quite frankly Dairy Bar isn’t worth driving more than about 5 minutes!!
In N’s defense, you did seem to move a lot, even though it was all in the same town!!