• My sister and I lost our minds and decided to hit the local Target along with all of the other crazy-ass Black Friday shoppers.  At 4:30 in the morning, there were approximately eleventy-hojillion people there, give or take a few.  See?

• N and I stole some time away from the kids and headed out to the beach.  We took up residence for the evening at Hammerhead Bar, a surprisingly nice place for a crummy little beach.  (Sorry.  But it is.)  Since it isn’t exactly a peak beach season, we practically had the place to ourselves and the bartender was very attentive.  She brought a new drink to my attention.  Whether it is an actual drink or just something she invented, I do not know, but what I do know is the combination of Absolut Vanilia, Red Bull and cranberry juice tastes just like a Sweet Tart.  I approve.
• My mother recruited some tree-decorating help from the littlest member of the family.  Incidentally, that was the only member of the family actually WILLING to help.  Sorry, Mom.  I hate decorating my own damn tree so  I was low on motivation to help you with yours.  Because I am a scrooge, and possibly also a bad person.

• I went to the gun range with N and my father-in-law, who we’ll call Roz, because that’s what I call him.  (It’s not actually his name.)  Anyway, I learned how to fire a .22, and it turns out I’m not half bad.  In fact, Roz says that I’m already good enough to qualify for a concealed handgun license if I were so inclined.  Witness my mad skillz (this was achieved from 50 yards):

So, now you know what I did over Thanksgiving (aside from falling into the usual turkey and starch-related coma, of course.  I did that too.)  Did you do anything fun or out of the ordinary (or both)?

Well, fine. This is me, checking out how well the app works. But either way, I hope your Thanksgiving has been pleasantly full of turkey, family and football, or whatever makes you happy!!

Sher: I want Thanksgiving:

Me: Thanksgiving does sound good, as much as I hate the month of November in general.

Sher: You hate the month of November? Whatever for? 1. Cool things always seem to happen in November. 2. It is the month before Christmas, the most wonderful time of the year. 3. It goes by fast because of the giant vacation to look forward to at the end of the month. Explain.

Me: It is stupid! And orange! And filled with pilgrims and Indians and cornucopias! Perhaps my childhood hatred of all things pilgrim is clouding my judgment a bit.

Sher: WHAT did Mom and Dad DO to you before I was born???? All of those things are awesome! How can you not look at a cornucopia and have the warm fuzzies?

Me: HAHAHAHA! I don’t know! I just HATED learning about pilgrims and the Mayflower and the first Thanksgiving SO VERY MUCH as a kid. And now, on November 1, I become surly for a 30-day period. Well, surlier than usual anyway. My husband thinks I am a freak.

Sher: OMG you are CHANDLER. Except Dad is not a Vegas Burlesque dancer.

My parents have two cats.  Well, technically they are my sister’s cats but they live with Mom and Dad.  While I have always considered myself a cat person, but I don’t like these cats.  And the feeling is clearly quite mutual.

Offender #1:

Cute, right?  But don’t be fooled.  She is is evil and plotty and DERANGED (I’m sorry, Sher, but she IS) and would eat you if she could.  Just like she tried with me on Saturday night, when I had the nerve to reach for an item on the bathroom counter that she happened to be sitting near.  I made sure to take a picture of my bloodied finger and immediately e-mail it to my sister with no explanation beyond I refrained from kicking her little ass.  You’re welcome.

Offender #2:

This one isn’t quite as bad.  She’s old and was around when I still lived at home and so she knows me.  However, she doesn’t really like me which proved to be a problem on Sunday night, when she crammed her big fat self underneath my parents’ huge-ass bed, right up by the wall where she knew I couldn’t reach her.  So I tried the nice approach, calling her and making kissy sounds and trying to sweet-talk her into coming out.  No dice.  Then I tried prodding her out.  Nope, she just hissed at me and then moved to the other side where she was equally inaccessible.  So then I brought out the big guns – my husband and a huge umbrella.  Sorry, cat.

Offender #3:

GAH.  We don’t normally take the dog when we travel, what with the kids and luggage and whatnot it is just too big of a hassle.  But the kennel was going to charge us for five full days if we boarded her over the holiday weekend, and I’m sorry but that is ridiculous.  So we took her with us.  It was all well and good (well, the irritating clack clack clacking of her nails on the Pergo floors notwithstanding) until Sunday afternoon.  We left her locked in a bedroom (rather than crated) because she never does anything.  She doesn’t chew, dig, scratch or, you know, even stay awake.  We figured she was pretty trustworthy.  WRONG.  We returned from lunch at my in-laws’ house to discover that she had somehow managed to lock the bedroom door.  Five minutes and several screwdrivers later, we figured out why:  she had been clawing and chewing at the door frame.  Of the spare bedroom, in my parents’ house, WHICH IS GOING ON THE MARKET THIS VERY WEEK.  GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.  I was about ready to give her up to the huge German Shepherd across the street, I was so angry.  (And mortified.  Fortunately, my parents were cool about it and touched up the paint and now you can’t even tell.  But still.)

The bit players:

My in-laws’ yippy dog, who is clearly troublesome in her own right.  (Although this picture was taken a while ago.)  She kept trying to steal Miss T’s beloved Blue Doggie, but Miss T was not worried.  NO NO! she would say, while shaking her little index finger.

Our obnoxious cat, who let us know she didn’t appreciate being left at home alone for the long weekend.  Meow meow MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOW.

And my in-laws’ cat, who – to be fair – didn’t do anything.  (Literally.  He’s the laziest cat there ever was.)  But I felt I should include him anyway.

Currently, Miss T is happily playing with all of her new toys and AE is ordering his dad to play Super Mario Galaxy on the Wii.  (That’s how AE “plays” video games a lot of the time – he insists that N play while he watches and offers constructive criticism which I’m sure is very helpful.)  I just finished paying bills online and may or may not go take a shower momentarily.  I also just talked to my sister, who turned 25 years old in the wee hours this morning.  She’s currently having lunch with my parents at The Cheesecake Factory in Houston.  I imagine her meal will be far more exciting than the leftover ham we have to look forward to.  God, I’m sick of ham.

Anyway, the real reason I wrote this post was to list out my New Year’s resolutions for all to see.  That is, I am hoping that if I put them here in black and white maybe I’ll feel sort of accountable and actually try and stick to them.  Possibly?  Probably not, but here’s hoping.  And in no particular order, NonSoccerMom’s List of Things to Accomplish in 2009:

• Scrapbook more frequently.  Or at all, seeing as I haven’t worked on the 2008 family scrapbook in MONTHS.  I think the last pictures I worked with had Miss T as a tiny non-mobile blob, so they were from sometime in March or April, maybe?  I have got to catch up and finish that book before I even think about starting one for this year.  UGH.  I don’t consider myself a hardcore scrapbooker or anything, I just do it instead of photo albums, but lately I haven’t even managed to keep on top of the one project I have going.
• Start walking on the treadmill again.  I have it so may as well use it, right?  Currently it is just collecting dust in the corner of our bedroom.  But N gave me an armband thingy to use with my iPod so hopefully that will motivate me to get in there and get moving.
• Finally finish listing all of that stuff on eBay.  My dad asked me to do it ages and ages ago, but then work kind of exploded in my face and I was so tired and crabby that I didn’t want to do anything in the evenings at all.  (Same reason I’m so behind on the scrapbooking, actually.)  There’s even money in it for me as he promised me a 50% cut of the profits, so that should tell you how lazy I have been of late.
• Be more patient with the kids.  I’m not a patient person by nature and I get even more short-tempered when I’m tired and stressed, so this is something I have always needed to work on.  But at any rate, it frustrates me that I get so frustrated with them sometimes and around and around I go.  Maybe 2009 will bring with it a personality transplant.
• Branch out and try new kinds of wine instead of always drinking the same old favorites.  This one is probably the most doable.  Hee.

Happy New Year to you and yours.  May 2009 be all you hope for.

Number of purses given to Miss T for either Christmas or her birthday:  3

Number of computer games received by AE for Christmas: 2

Number of Wii and/or Gamecube games received by AE:  6

Number of Wii/Gamecube games received by N:  3

Ergo, the total number of video games received as gifts this holiday season:  11

Number of hours I spent rocking Guitar Hero (solo) at my in-laws’ house:  2.5

Number of stores in my hometown in which seasons of NCIS are available on DVD:  1

Number of stores that carry the season of NCIS that I actually want:  0

Glasses of wine consumed by me, per evening:  2 (on average)

Number of dresses given to Miss T for either Christmas or birthday:  8

Number of tiny humans available to wear cute girly dresses:  1

Number of days in the week:  7

Number of egg salad sandwich cravings I have had in anticipation of getting one at the local fancypants deli:  approximately 1 per day for the last month

Number of egg salad sandwiches consumed by me:  ZERO, BECAUSE THE DELI HAS MYSTERIOUSLY REMOVED IT FROM THE MENU

Number of family members that got engaged on Christmas Day:  1

Number of molars sprouted by Miss T:  3

Number of compliments regarding my kids’ piratey-themed garments given by my mother, despite her previous horrified assertion that pirates and/or skulls are worn exclusively by gang members:  2

Number of crackers consumed by Miss T during her first encounter with Ritz:  9

Number of U.S. dollars required to purchase an entire tiramisu cake from Carino’s:  43

Number of times AE has been told to stop picking his nose, for the love of God:  2,394,092

So there was dancing to this goofy little Christmas dog that sang a version of “Shout”.

And there was pointing at stuff.

General goofing off around the house,

and climbing on rocks* (much to Nonna’s dismay.  “Be careful!  Somebody watch him!!”)

Sliding** on various playgrounds,

unauthorized golfing,

and visiting underground caves.

We may or may not have eaten a little bit too, but I fortunately do not have photographic evidence.

All in all, a very pleasant holiday weekend, especially when you figure in a trip to get Mexican food at Chuy’s sans kiddos.  That right there made the trip worthwhile!

*No one is more surprised than me that scaredy-child would like climbing on these rocks.

**Ditto going down this slide, which was far higher than his usual allowable height.  Maybe gymnastics is making a difference after all.