Scene: My cubicle at the office, around 10 a.m.  My mom called to ask a question.

Mom: I’m sorry to bother you at work, but I need to know what that thing is called that my friends gave me at my retirement party.

Me: That wine tasting cup?  I have no idea.  Why?

Mom: Yeah, that.  I’m trying to write thank you notes and want to refer to it by name.  Didn’t someone call it something that started with an s?  Somm-something?

Me: Sommelier?  That’s not the cup, that’s the guy that uses it.

Mom: Are you sure?  Then what’s the other thing called?

Me: I don’t know, why don’t you just call it a wine tasting cup?

Mom: Because I want to know what it is really called.

Me: Fine.  Let me google it.  [hoping my nearby coworkers are enjoying their impromptu wine lesson]  Here we go, it’s a Tastevin.

Mom: A what?

Me: It’s pronounced taht-VAHN.

Mom: Okay…how do you spell that?

Me: T-A-S-T-E-V-I-N.

Mom: T-A-S-T-B-I-N.

Me: No!  T-A-S-T-EEEEEEEE-V-as-in-Victor-I-N.  [acutely aware that at least 6 people can clearly hear my end of the conversation]

Mom: T-A-S-T-V-I-N.

Me: [getting annoyed]  Mother!

Coworker with adjoining cubicle: [unable to keep from laughing any longer]

Me: You do realize that my coworkers can hear me and probably now think I am insane.

Mom: Oops. [laughing]  I’m sorry!  One more time.

Me: Taste.  Vin.  V-I-N.

Mom: Oh!  So like you’re tasting wine.

Me: [bangs head against desk]

So.  Rather than sit here and wallow, let’s talk about wine, shall we?  Why, yes, I believe we shall, now that you mention it.

*claps briskly*

Here we have Twisted, a 2008 Pinot Grigio out of Manteca, California:

My favorite thing about it is the label.  Love.  If I were artsy-craftsy at all (which I am sadly NOT), I would try to use that label for something.  I think it would look cool pressed between glass and framed, then hung on my dark gray kitchen walls.  (Also, it matches my site beautifully, yes?)  As for the wine itself, eh.  Not terrible by any means but not my favorite, either.

Next up, 2007 Blue Fish Sweet Riesling – Niederkirchen, Pfalz, Germany.

One word, folks.  And that word is YUM.  The label isn’t joking by calling this wine “sweet” – rieslings are sweeter than the vast majority of whites anyway, but this one was yummier than most.  It smelled good and tasted even better, and I thoroughly enjoyed the entire bottle.  Which I drank, um, faster than I should have.   Ahem.  Moving on!

2008 Vertikal Liebfraumilch – Rheinhessen, Germany.

This is the bottle I’m currently working on, and considering it’s a fairly cheap generic table wine, it isn’t bad.  Kind of leaves a bit of an aftertaste, but nothing intolerable.  (Full disclosure: the weird aftertaste could just have easily been caused by the garlic and artichoke hummus that I was consuming simultaneously.)  Word of advice, though:  that foil is hiding a SCREW TOP, NOT A CORK.  My husband discovered that for you, completely free of charge.  You are welcome.

This one is a 2006 blend of semillon  (93%) and sauvignon blanc (7%).  Now, I love sauvignon blancs but hadn’t ever tried a semillon before.  And I’m not likely to try one again.

Ladies, you know how it smells when you get a perm?  That horribly noxious ammonia smell?  Yeah.  That’s exactly how this wine smells when you first open the bottle.  And let me tell you, it’s awfully hard to get past that odor.  I’ve never tasted that perm solution stuff, but I imagine that this wine was pretty damn close.

Maybe I’m unfairly blaming the semillon and it was actually the “tropical infusion” – whatever the hell that is – that made this wine nasty.  Either way, I won’t be going back for seconds.  (A second bottle, that is.  Because of course I managed to finish this one off.  Otherwise it would have been wasteful, and that will never do.)

First, a wine review!

This is a Montepulciano d’Abruzzo dry red wine, Monte Campo, Italy.  Interestingly (to me, anyway) it’s marked denominazione di origine controllata.  (Click on the link, maybe you’ll learn something new, like I did!  Wine drinking: it’s educational!)

I’ve repeated many times that I’m not generally a fan of reds, but this one was a gift so I thought I’d give it a go.  (Full disclosure: it was gifted to N.  But he doesn’t drink wine, so all tasting and consumption responsibilities fall to me.  It’s a hard life.)  So taste it I did, as a last resort, when my wine fridge was empty of everything except the Francis Ford Coppola Bianco Pinot Grigio that I’m saving for a special occasion.  (N keeps asking me what this “special occasion” might be, exactly, because it has been in there for months already and that’s by far the longest a bottle of wine has ever survived in this house.  And I always tell him that I’m not sure, BUT I WILL KNOW WHEN IT HAPPENS.)

ANYWAY.  Out of white wine, yes.  So the red wine was on deck.  And guess what?  I liked it! I know!  Despite the fact that the label touts it as having a light cherry, berry and leather bouquet.  I read THAT and was all, leather, WTF, why would I want to drink anything that tastes/smells of leather.  But.  It was very smooth, and had a sweet undertone, and wasn’t as dry as I find most reds to be.  So in short, YUM.  And I bet it would be an excellent wine for cooking also.  I went to the liquor store today, hoping to buy another bottle, but they were out.  So I picked up another Montepulciano d’Abruzzo from a different winery, in the same price range, so I’ll compare.  It’ll be like a science experiment!  (But I will have to buy another bottle of the Monte Campo too.  For control purposes, of course.)

So there you have it:  Thing #1.  A red wine exists that I will not only drink, but actually enjoy.  Who knew?

And now for Thing #2.  I’ve been accepted into the graduate program at Arizona State University, to pursue a Master of Arts in Criminal Justice.  It’s a step toward my ultimate goal, my lifelong dream -  to go into federal law enforcement.  I had planned to wait until Miss T started kindergarten before trying to get into grad school, but I finally decided that since I’m not getting any younger it was time.  Most federal agencies have an age limit for new field agents, and I don’t even know if I have a realistic shot at becoming an agent, but if I don’t at least try I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.

Maybe my goals will change as I move through the MACJ program, and I’ll discover something else that appeals to me.  It’s entirely possible.  But either way, I’ll be coming out of it with a Master’s degree, and that’s certainly not a bad thing.  The program is entirely online, so I’ll be able to keep working full-time and we won’t have to relocate or anything like that.

With a full-time job that’s demanding and often high-stress, and two kids and a husband, and extended family and housework and pets and everything else, it’s going to be hard.  I have no illusions otherwise.  (Not to mention the expense.)  But N is awesomely supportive, and my bosses are very understanding.  So somehow I’ll figure it out.  The courses all look fascinating to me, and I’m really excited at the prospect of going back to school, and I have no doubt that this is the right choice and the right time.  It’s adding one more ball to my sometimes-delicate juggling act, but I’ll make it happen.

Because anything worth having is worth working for, right?

Also, Miss T is clearly suffering from a raging case of cabin fever, and I need to take down my Christmas decorations, and everyone but me has a raging cold/sinus issue,  but instead of snot I keep having nosebleeds.  Basically, I think we all just need to get back to school/work/daycare and settle back into the normal routine.  Blah!  That is so boring!  Shut up, self!  Moving on.

Here, have some wine reviews:

Lungarotti 2008 Pinot Grigio.  I received two bottles of this as a gift, and it was quite good.  Nice and smooth, probably because it cost more than what I usually spend on wine.  So, you get what you pay for.  Yum.

Barton & Guestier 2006 Chardonnay.  N picked this up for me at the local World Market, and I really enjoyed it.  I find that chardonnays tend to have a bit of a stronger flavor than pinot grigios or especially rieslings, so I really have to be in the mood for something with a bite.  This one is really good, though, and I highly recommend it.

Royal Bitch 2008 Reserve Chardonnay.  So obviously I bought this one because of the name.  I mean really, how could I not?  Anyway, again with a chardonnay.  But I liked this one too.  It’s a little edgier than the Barton & Guestier, but I still enjoyed it immensely.  In fact, it’s on my “to buy again” list.

*Technically, a sparkling wine, since it’s from Flat Creek Estate near Austin and not the region in France.  A friend of mine had her wedding rehearsal dinner there a few months ago and we picked up a couple of bottles.  And since N isn’t much of a drinker, and it’ll just be the two of us tonight, and you can’t exactly save sparkling wine…I predict I’ll be far less cranky by the time the new year rolls around.

I hope 2010 finds you all happy and well.

Updates!

• You may have noticed that I’ve changed my blog template.  (You may not have.  That’s fine too.)  I’m not completely enamored of this one, it is a bit more Avril Lavigne teen-angst than I was going for, but since I could not find exactly what I wanted this one will do in the interim.  N hates it, however, and found something that I do actually like quite a bit, and as soon as we he can tweak it a bit I’ll get that one up.
• Speaking of things N hates, I finally got him to admit that he “intensely dislikes” my hair.  Which, sorry man.  It’s gonna take a trip to the salon and probably upwards of $150 to put it back to the original color.  Not to mention, I like it, so for now, the Feria Chocolate Cherry is here to stay.
• AE got his finger smashed in the door at school today.  Actually, I think “smushed” is the official term on the nurse’s office report.  It’s what tends to happen when you put your finger in the door hinge right before someone closes it.  Common sense FAIL.
• Miss T has been sniffly and runny-nosed for the last several days, and she had a rather crappy night of sleep last night (which meant – wait for it – so did I), so I was totally convinced when she woke up cranky that she was sick.  An ear infection, don’t you know, because I am nothing if not the Mother Who Cried Ear Infection.  And I was so busy at work, I just KNEW that I’d be getting that call from daycare ANY TIME.  I spent all morning checking my phone to make sure I hadn’t missed The Call when I went for my eleventy-billionth cup of coffee.  And then I went to pick her up after work, and they were all, “She had a wonderful day!”  That child, she is a puzzle.  And kind of a pain in the ass sometimes.
• Last night I opened a bottle of Madria Sangria because it was the only thing I had that didn’t require a corkscrew (yes, I am truly THAT lazy).  Anyway, it’s cheap, it’s good, it’s available at your local neighborhood H-E-B:

And with that, let’s call it a night.  Peace out, y’all.

Scene 1:  I’m in the downstairs bathroom giving myself a pedicure.  My sister is upstairs taking a shower, my parents are both upstairs as well.  (For the purposes of illustration and psuedo-anonymity, I’ll use “K” as a substitute for my name.  Because it’s the first letter, and I’m nothing if not creative.) 

Sher:  [from the shower]  Hey.  HEY!  K!  K, come here! 

Me:  [ignoring her, since Mom is upstairs]

Sher:  HEY!  K!  COME HERE!

Me:  [figure it is urgent, run upstairs and into her bathroom with my one freshly painted toenail]  WHAT?!

Sher:  Will you hand me the body wash?  I forgot to get it before I got in.

Me:  GOD.  I was downstairs, you know, and now I have cat hair stuck in my wet toenail polish.  Thanks for that.

Sher:  Ooops, hee hee.

Me:  I hate you. 

Scene 2:  I’m back downstairs, toes bare once more, only to arrive at the bottom of the steps and realize I forgot something in the upstairs bathroom with Sher.  Head back up and into the bathroom, where she is still in the shower.  The floor is now soaked.

Sher:  Hee hee hee, you know, I ended up having to get out of the shower to get my razor anyway.  Ha ha ha!  I thought about calling you in here again.

Me:  Bitch.

Sher:  Hee!

Me:  [mentally lamenting the lack of exhaust fans in the bathrooms of my parents' rent house]  It’s really fracking hot in here.

Sher:  Yes, it is.  I was just thinking that.  When I turned on that other light it got a lot hotter right away.

Me:  [looking up]  You dummy.  That’s the heat lamp!

Sher:  OH!  I thought it was the fan!  Ha ha ha, no wonder!

Scene 3:  In my parents’ bathroom.  It is only marginally cooler in there than in the other one, and my sister takes care of that in short order when she comes in to dry her hair.  I unfortunately have my mother’s propensity for shaking hands when I am in a hurry.  We’re running late, and I am trying to put makeup on sweat-soaked skin with trembling hands.  My hair’s not done, and I am starting to freak out.

Sher:  Ugh, stupid hair.  Help me with these bobby pins!

Me:  NO!

Sher:  Bitch!

Me:  Shut up! 

Dad:  [backs away in fear, undoubtedly thankful that we no longer live under the same roof as him]

Scene 4:  At the reception.  I just discovered the wine table set up in a far corner and since my husband wasn’t around I sent Dad to do the dirty work.  He came back with a glass for me and a glass for himself.  A few moments later Sher notices there’s none for her.

Sher:  HEY!  Where’s my wine?

Me:  [pointing at opposite corner of the ballroom] Over there.

Sher:  Go get me some.

Me:  Am not your slave!  Besides, I made Dad get mine.

Sher:  Ha ha!  Well good then.  You can go get mine for me. 

Me:  [consider flipping her off, decide against it in a room full of my parents' church friends.  opt instead for the Ross Geller method.]

Sher:  Um, bitch!

Name-calling and hand gestures aside, we had a fantastic time.  There was way more wine and dancing than I expected at a Baptist wedding, but that’s just the way I like it.  I do fear, however, that Sher and I will show up in an alarming amount of the reception photos.  Toward the end of the night, our inhibitions had left along with most of the Old Church People so things got a little nuts.  But I did learn a few things, being the Student of Life that I am:

• It is ill-advised to do the Cotton-Eyed Joe in three-inch heels after consuming several glasses of wine.
• Yellow Tail wines are always good, particularly the Chardonnay and Riesling.
• It is bizarrely skeevy to be praised for your beauty in the third person while in the presence of your father.
• It is apparently possible to do The Chicken Dance “too sexy” as my sister now knows firsthand.
• Little personalized containers of floss are a well-received favor at a dentist’s wedding.
• No matter how old I get, I still feel like a kid when in the presence of other people’s parents.
• I begin to talk a lot, and very loudly, after ONE glass of wine.

Werewolf Pinot Grigio out of the Viile Banatului Region of Romania.  It was really damn good and I’ll be procuring more shortly.

You’re welcome.  We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Since it is summertime, AE whiles away the hours at day camp.  They go swimming and bowling and to the movies.  One day they made volcanoes out of soda bottles.

Another day they made this.  AE says it is a mole.  His parents don’t know about all that.  It looks more like a hamburger patty.  Or a cow chip.

AE has a little sister.  Miss T is enjoying her summer as well, having water day at school and going for laundry basket rides at home.

She keeps busy, putting her babies down for naps, watching Blue’s Clues, and reading with her brother.

Sometimes she takes time out of her busy schedule to help the family dog go night-night.

AE and Miss T aren’t the only ones enjoying their summer.  Even though their mom and dad have to work, they’re squeezing in fun where they can.  AE and his dad went to Houston and took in an Astros game one Saturday evening.

They also play way more Monopoly than is probably healthy for anyone.  Quite frankly, AE’s mother is sick of Monopoly and she never even has to play.

And AE’s mom continues to experiment with new and different wines, her number one vice.  Some of them are really good, and she will buy them again.

Some of them are really NOT good, and AE’s mom recommends avoidance.

It may be hotter than the blue blazes of hell, but so far AE, Miss T and even their parents are having a very nice summer so far.  Hopefully everyone else is too.

I’m beginning to see that it is going to be VERY hard for me to explain this without looking like a moron.  (What’s that you say?  Too late?  Oh well.) Basically it boiled down to this:  sometimes people are dumb and make stupid decisions and really, they could save themselves a lot of trouble buy just asking US.  I mean, come on.  Wouldn’t it just make sense to ask a couple of completely unqualified 19-year-old college freshmen if you should wear that dress, or buy that TV, or park your car right there or build that major highway?  DON’T YOU KNOW ANYTHING?!?!?! 

And now, I have come full circle with this realization:  my blog is our consulting business.  I tell you what movies to see and what wine to drink.  As if my opinion is really that important.  It’s only a matter of time before I’m showing up at your houses to say I TOLD YOU SO when you buy a bottle of Big Tattoo Red (DON’T DO IT). 

All that, to introduce a couple more movie and wine reviews.  Sigh.  I really need to get out more.

Shooter -  I was able to convince N to watch this with only a minimum of arm-twisting.  It was…okay.  The plot was reasonably well-developed, I guess, but the acting was stiff and kind of unconvincing.  Plus, Danny Glover had a thing going on with his speech that was beyond distracting.  I don’t know what the deal was but it sounded like he was talking around a dental guard or something.  I’ve seen him in plenty of other movies (the Lethal Weapon series is among my faves) and he has never had a speech impediment before.  I do like him though (but not really as the bad guy) and I like Mark Wahlberg, but pretty much all I can say about this movie is EH.  Not bad, but not good either.  Just kind of there, and waaaaaaaay too long and brutally violent for what it was.  And finally, couldn’t they have come up with a better name for the main character than Bob Lee?  No offense to anyone named Bob Lee but, really?  If it were me, I would have used Robert.  Or Lee.  Or even just Bob.  But not Bob Lee.  I’m just saying.

As for the wine, as usual, I have found that my rate of consumption far outpaces the rate at which I write reviews.  I have also discovered that there are only so many things that a layman can say about wines.  I’m running out of adjectives.  “Light”, “refreshing”, “crisp”, “fruity”, “bold” and “smooth” only go so far before it becomes obvious that I don’t have any idea what I’m talking about.  Oops, there goes my secret.

 Dr. Wilkomm’s Blue River Riesling.  SO good.  Sweet and very easy to drink – not bitter at all.  Highly recommended.  BUY SOME. 

If you aren’t familiar with Messina Hof (the local winery around these parts), you should try and find out if it is available for purchase in your area.  I haven’t been disappointed yet, and the White Zinfandel was no exception.  The Messina Hof Gewürztraminer is particularly good, by the way.

This California Rose came recommended by my dad, of all people.  It has a little more bite than I like in my pink wines but it is not bad if you like stronger flavors.

This Australian Chardonnay (Lindemans) was pretty decent as well.  Not the best one I’ve tried, but good for such an inexpensive choice ($5 at the local Sam’s Club).

There you have it.  More reviews than you can shake a stick at.  Happy Monday.