HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

At first there seemed to be hope.  After scoring the paper and trying that gooey wallpaper remover spray, I had little success but soon realized that dry-stripping the top layer of paper made the rest much easier to soak and scrape off.  Great!  Except NOT great, because two separate layers of peeling means twice the work.  But N and I got into a good rhythm on a couple of Saturday afternoons and I thought, okay.  We CAN do this.

(Spoiler alert: Nope.)

I’d peel a little paper every time I went in the bathroom, but after a while I lost steam.  I got busy on the weekends and wasn’t inclined to make a big sticky mess with the wallpaper remover.  School was keeping me busy, and work got crazy and I just never felt like messing with it.

We kind of got used to it.  Hideous as the situation was, I’d just lamely apologize whenever someone came to visit (usually family) and that was that.  I kept telling myself that we’d get it done eventually.

And then N took these pictures, and it really was that depressing. I started to realize that we’d possibly bitten off a little more than we could reasonably chew, and I dug up the name of a remodeling guy that a friend had used.

I called, he came, we paid.  And now we have this.

It’s exactly what I had envisioned for this low-key no-demo job, and I love it. Now my bathroom is nice and relaxing like a spa, not an ugly, stressful reminder of all the work that still remains.

Lesson learned: Suck it up and pay the experts. Check!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Maintained a 4.0 GPA.  Made a one-day out-of-state trip for a job interview, then turned down the subsequent job offer.  Went to the Middle East.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Here’s what I wrote for 2011:

I generally don’t make specific resolutions.  And if you want to know the honest truth, it’s because I’ll forget what I resolved to do.

True dat.  Maybe I could use this entry as a reminder of what I hope to accomplish over the year.  Resolutions always seem sort of lame to me, but I love a good to-do list so maybe if I look at it from that perspective it will work.  So:

• Finish grad school.  This should be accomplished in early May.
• Improve my job situation.  Work has been…challenging for several months now and I’d like to improve that in one way or another.  At this point I’m not picky.
• Make more of an effort to record family memories.  Either I need to blog more reliably or take up scrapbooking again.  Or start creating professionally printed photo books.  Now that I’m almost done with school I should have more free time. Theoretically.
• Have more patience with the kids.  Patience may be a virtue but unfortunately is not one of mine.  I’m hoping things will be easier on this front now that we’ve turned the corner out of age three with Misty.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No, but a good friend is pregnant so I’m looking forward to April.  A new baby to cuddle that doesn’t keep me up at night!  Woo!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, and thank goodness for that.

5. What countries did you visit?

Jamaica, Grand Cayman and Mexico.  Qatar.  And technically I was in UAE, but never left the airport so I wouldn’t call it a visit.  Although the duty-free shopping in the Dubai airport is incredibly impressive and possibly a tourist destination all on its own.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Forward motion.  As previously mentioned, I’m finishing up my master’s in the spring and would like to use it, you know?  Although I’m not sure that things are going to pan out along the original plan, I’d like to feel as though I’m moving UP a career ladder rather than just chilling on the same damn rung year after year.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

It isn’t every day that a gal gets to fly halfway across the world (in business class, no less), so I’m not likely to forget that anytime soon.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I think it bears repeating that I’ve managed to maintain straight As in my classwork while working full-time and parenting two kids.  Of course, none of it would be possible without N – he is the most awesome husband and co-parent any woman could ask for.  Achieving an entire decade of marriage is pretty impressive too.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I continue to be the opposite of a domestic goddess, whatever that may be.  The anti-housewife, I suppose.  A big fat FAIL in the domesticity department, no matter how you look at it.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing really.  Sinus troubles here and there, although I’ve discovered the wonder of Mucinex and therefore managed to avoid a full-blown sinus infection for an entire year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

LASIK.  Hands down.

12. Where did most of your money go?

As usual, our mortgage payment and child care fees ate up a significant chunk of change.

13. What did you get really excited about?

Going from 20/400 to 20/15 vision is pretty damn exciting.

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?

Not exactly sure…I listen to such an eclectic mix of music that it’s hard to say.  Probably something by Bruno Mars – like maybe The Lazy Song.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder? Sadder overall, but only because work has been so massively frustrating lately.  I’d say my personal happiness is about the same as last year.
– thinner or fatter? No real change.
– richer or poorer? We’ve taken better control of our finances by going to a mostly cash-based budget, but still have some debt to get paid off.  So taking all that into consideration, about the same I guess.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Distance running – I’ve been copping out with 1-2 mile runs most of the time and would like to get back to a place where a 5K is nothing big.  Writing here.  Playing with the kids.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Fretting over work and making my husband miserable with all of the constant bitching.

18. How did you spend Christmas?

In The Swamp, splitting days between our families for the last time – my parents are permanently moving to their retirement home in a few weeks.

19. What was your favorite TV program?

Still totally into Burn Notice, NCIS, Psych and Sons of Anarchy.  I’ve added Hawaii 5-0 to the list this year.

20. What were your favorite books of the year?

Other than the usual slew of Nora Roberts between semesters, I didn’t really read much of anything.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?

I listened to a lot of Rob Zombie to get me through increasingly torturous workdays.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?

Fast Five.  It may not be Oscar-worthy, but that’s the one that stands out as most enjoyable.  It seems I didn’t do a lot of movie-watching in 2011.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I’m honestly not sure.  I checked my archives and evidently didn’t write about it.  I’m sure we just celebrated at home.  I turned 32.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Access to a reliable, inexpensive babysitter.  I generally don’t mind living a couple hours away from family but sometimes it is frustrating to not have ready access to grandparents-as-free-childcare.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Second verse, same as the first.  I wear what is comfortable for me, which includes black and gray 95% of the time.

26. What kept you sane?

Friends and family, especially my husband.  I would have gone off the deep end long ago if I didn’t have him to help me keep it all together.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

Not all good memories have to involve spending vast quantities of money.  Being a homeowner is totally overrated.  White wine makes my teeth sensitive sometimes, but red wines do not.  Anything worth having is worth working for.

Captain America – Not really what I was expecting, but I’m not sure it’s fair to say that since I really didn’t have any expectations at all.  Full disclosure: I didn’t know that Captain America is one of the Avengers, okay?  Although admittedly, the full title of the movie (Captain America: The First Avenger) should probably have clued me in.  ANYWAY, all that to say that I was confused by the end until I realized that it’s a total setup for next summer.  The movie itself was entertaining, provided you are able to suspend your knowledge of reality in the same way that is required of all comic book-based films.  I’d probably be willing to watch it again, although I’m not in a rush to buy the DVD or anything.  Three stars out of five on my totally arbitrary rating scale.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon – I didn’t finish it.  That’s how bad it is, and y’all know I love me some crap movies.  I started it on the flight to Dubai, but turned it off ten minutes in because Shia LeBeouf is such an insufferable douche.  Then on the way back to Houston I tried again.  That time I made it about halfway before I decided there was no point in suffering further.  I hated every single thing about it.  None of the characters are likable (at least not in the first half), the plot is stupid, the little robot/Transformer things are beyond annoying, and the entire movie just totally blew.  Zero stars.  Don’t even bother, but if you need to torture someone you intensely dislike then this could be a useful tool.

X-Men: First Class – By far the best movie that I watched on either leg of my trip.  I was really, really impressed.  It has an entirely different feel than any of the original X-Men movies, and takes itself far more seriously.  But it works.  I haven’t been blown away by any previous James McAvoy roles, but he was a great choice for Professor Xavier.  All of the characters were well-casted, although there is always something amusing about Kevin Bacon as the bad guy.  Either way, the entire movie was engaging and highly entertaining.  I enjoyed it immensely and can give you my enthusiastic recommendation (for what it is worth, which is admittedly not much).  Four-and-a-half stars out of five, easily.

Battle Los Angeles – I kind of watched this one out of desperation.  In addition to the above, I’d already re-watched Green Lantern and Fast Five, and was running out of in-flight action movie options.  It was okay.  Plenty of action, things blowing up, etc., but the plot was…thin.  Very thin.  Like they didn’t even try, really.  Just “all right, we’ve got some aliens, let’s toss ‘em in L.A. and add some angst-ridden Marines and we’ve got ourselves a movie, folks!”  Certainly not Oscar-worthy but it wasn’t terrible either, not by a long shot.  I’d watch it again if I didn’t have any other options.  A solid 2.5 stars.

The Expendables – N and I had both wanted to see this for a while and were excited to discover it in Netflix Instant last week.  Unfortunately, the excitement did not last.  We were disappointed.  I think that sometimes writers just punt, plot-wise, on ensemble movies like this one.  Like we’ll be so distracted by the presence of all these big-name actors that we won’t notice the crappy writing. Personally, I was distracted by Sylvester Stallone’s face.  He’s had work done or something and it just…isn’t right.  Beyond that, it was unnecessarily bloody and not all that great.  Not even Jason Statham could save it and as we’re all very aware, I do love me some Jason Statham.  Sad.  About the best I can give is 3 stars, which is of course enough for me to want to see the upcoming sequel.

Johnny Mnemonic – This movie randomly came up in conversation with N about a month ago, and ever since then I’ve been desperate to see it again. I first saw it fifteen or so years ago when it first came out on video (my love of crappy action flicks is nothing new), and haven’t seen it since.  About the only thing I remembered was that the videocassette (yes) was bright orange, so it was definitely time for a re-watch.  And it didn’t disappoint.  An easy-to-follow plot, unrealistic fight scenes, military-trained mind-reading dolphin, post-apocalyptic setting suspiciously reminiscent of Blade Runner…what’s not to like?  I was also fascinated by Dina Meyer.  She has not aged AT ALL in the past fifteen years.  She looked exactly the same in this movie as in recent guest appearances on NCIS.  Amazing.  I want to know what moisturizer she uses, is what I’m saying.  Overall, Johnny Mnemonic is a totally ridiculous, unbelievable, fun ride.  Three stars out of five.

Burn After Reading – Not my typical kind of movie at all, but I thought it looked interesting and N wanted to see it so last night we decided to give it a go.  The verdict? Quirky, off-beat, but definitely funny.  There were a few parts that totally threw me for a loop and the plot required a LOT of setup (about an hour in we were still waiting on all the pieces to be set into motion), but both N and I thought it was good.  Definitely clever and not your standard cookie-cutter Hollywood comedy.  If you like your comedies dark and with an actual plot, then this is the movie for you.  I got it for $1.99 at Target on Black Friday and I’m glad, because I’ll certainly be willing to see it again.  I have a feeling I missed some of the wit the first time around, as it moves pretty quickly.  Four stars out of five for sure, and maybe more once I’ve seen it again.

Have you seen any of these?  If so, what did you think?  I’d be particularly interested in reactions to X-Men: First Class, as N hasn’t seen it and he’s usually the one to determine Actual Quality Movies. Since my tolerance for crap is much higher than most people’s, it throws off my ability to tell.  Just because I thought it was actually a good, non-crappy action movie doesn’t mean it was.  Any thoughts?

Anyhow.  Qatar, yes.  A couple of coworkers and I were sent to our campus in Doha to meet with some researchers face-to-face prior to a big proposal deadline.  And I am here to tell you that lo, it was awesome.

First of all, I love air travel.  I don’t really care about the destination as long as it involves taking a plane.  I love everything about it.  Waking up early to get to the airport.  Searching for a magazine at an over-priced newsstand.  Hauling ass through the terminal to make a connection.  I don’t even mind taking off my shoes and pulling out my laptop to get through security.  I just really enjoy the entire experience, especially the actual flight.  There’s nothing quite like knowing you have absolutely nowhere else to be, so you may as well relax and enjoy the ride.  (And the free champagne.)

Now.  That being said, it turns out that around hour ten of an international flight is when I start to get restless and starting thinking things like OH MY GOD this flight will never END and I am going to be ON THIS PLANE for the rest of my LIFE.  Because at that point we still had over five hours to go and well, that can start to feel a little dire.  When you have enough time to watch SEVEN ENTIRE MOVIES on one flight, you know it is a long one.

But we did eventually land, although it was in Dubai and we had to make a connection into Doha from there.  Fortunately that flight was only an hour and we were literally the only people in business class (HELLS YEAH, business class, BTW – I definitely would have died had I been stuck in coach for fifteen hours) so it wasn’t bad at all.

And upon leaving the airport, I immediately decided that I love Doha even more than air travel.  While I do realize that it can get up to a horrifying 120 degrees in the summer, the weather is merely pleasantly warm this time of year.  Everything is clean and shiny new (SO MUCH construction – there are cranes in the background of almost every photo), the people are pleasant and overall it was a phenomenal experience.  Doha is a very international city.  Only about 20% of the residents are native Qatari, everyone else is an expat.  Australia, Britain, the US, you name it and someone of that nationality lives in Doha.  Arabic is the official language but English is very widely spoken so there’s no trouble whatsoever in terms of getting around.  Not even for this central Texas gal.

Okay, enough blathering.  On to the photos!  You can find the full set here, should you be interested in such things.

So to sum up:  Doha = AWESOME.  Air travel = also awesome, though admittedly less so after 15 hours on a single flight.  Whether you’re in business class or not.

Rubber is the story of a homicidal tire with telekinetic abilities.  Yes, you read that right.

A tire.

That can use its mind to kill.

I really don’t think I need to go into a lot more detail, because the plot pretty much speaks for itself.  But I will give you a bit more because I’m nice like that.  Here be spoilers, but trust me when I say that should you decide to watch this movie it will be equally good whether you already know the ending or not.

So apparently this tire has been abandoned in the California desert, and some people are duped into going to watch a “movie” in said desert with binoculars and sleeping bags.  As they watch, the tire (named Robert for reasons that remain undisclosed by the plot) comes to life and wobbles around for awhile.  Then once it is good at rolling along without three other tires and a vehicle attached, it flattens a plastic bottle and seems to develop a taste for destruction.

As it toodles along looking for small mammals to kill, it sees (don’t ask me how, since tires do not actually HAVE EYEBALLS and apparently telekinetic movie versions are no exception) a beautiful woman stranded in a broken-down car and falls in love with her.  Anyway, the rest of the movie has to do with Robert’s obsession with this mysterious woman.  He follows her to a nearby motel, leaving a trail of headless bodies in his wake.  (The tire’s telekinetic ability works by exploding the victim’s head, don’t you know.)

Meanwhile, almost all of the hapless movie-goers have died as a result of poisoned food provided by the mysterious accountant.  Only one remains alive, a war veteran confined to a wheelchair.  He is bizarrely interested in the unfolding events, for reasons that are never really explained.  There’s also something about a man pretending to be a sheriff, along with his deputies, who obviously believe they are real members of law enforcement  but are really just as fake as the sheriff.

By the end of the movie, the object of Robert’s obsession is enlisted by the fake sheriff to assist in his destruction, by way of a contrived scenario involving a poorly-attired mannequin.  But the tire’s evil could not so easily be destroyed, so it simply moves into a tricycle.  (Because, of course.) As the movie closes, Robert the tricycle leads a pack of other small wheeled vehicles into Hollywood.

And that’s it.  I realize that this synopsis makes little to no sense but that’s a direct result of the movie, not my summary skills.

I’d like to think that I missed something, that maybe there was a plot and I just didn’t get it.  But I think in order to “get” this movie you’d have to be high.  (And upon re-reading this, my attempt at a synopsis does makes it appear as though *I* am high.)  But it was just nonsense.  A jacked-up incoherent mess.  The special effects were pathetic and clearly low-budget, but I think that may have been the point.  It clearly wasn’t meant to be an Oscar contender, but I just don’t know what it was intended to be.

However, it wasn’t a complete waste of time.  My sister and her fiance watched it with us, and Sher got up to use the bathroom right as the credits rolled.  N took the opportunity to get our daughter’s tricycle from the back porch.  It’s a standard red-and-white Radio Flyer and very similar to Robert’s final embodiment.

Anyway, N set it outside the bathroom without a word…and when Sher opened the door, every second of those 82 minutes became totally worth it.

You may wonder if I have a point.  For once, I actually do.  You see, my husband’s birthday is tomorrow and I felt like maybe a grand display of my love and affection was in order.  Or at the very least, a public THANK YOU for putting up with me.

He hates “crap like this”.  Why do women do this, he asks.  Male bloggers generally don’t feel the need to post gushy declarations of love and rampant sentimentality on family and friends’ birthdays. 

So I’ll keep it short and sweet. 

Babe, I love you for all that you do for me, and all that you are for our family.  I know I don’t make it easy on you a lot of times.  Or ever.  But you take it all in stride, and keep moving along.  I love that after 12 years, you can still make me laugh.  You know what I am thinking and how I am feeling – sometimes even before I realize it myself.  You’re such an awesome husband and phenomenal father, and I couldn’t ask for a better friend.

You make it possible for me to follow my dreams, and for that I can’t thank you enough.

You also make it possible for me to go on trips without having to worry about the kids, and I know that is a luxury a lot of mothers do not have.  Even though I desperately wish you could come with me to Qatar, I know I can travel with total peace of mind that they’re being cared for – in many ways better than I can do myself.

(Aside to the 3ish non-husband readers of this blog: did I mention that I’m going to Qatar in two weeks?)

(I totally am.)

(More on that later.)

Anyway, to sum up: N, I love you, you’re the perfect husband for me, and I look forward to celebrating many more birthdays with you.  Sorry for the schmaltz. 

The end.

Y’all.  Y’ALL.  I had several people tell me how awesome it is, how I would wish I’d done it years ago.  And guess what?  I TOTALLY WISH I’D DONE IT YEARS AGO.  In addition to the cost (which is admittedly substantial), I was mostly worried about silly things, like being required to keep my eyes closed for 4 hours after the procedure (not a problem, thanks to the Xanax AND Valium they gave me beforehand, ZZZ) having to keep up with multiple sets of eye drops, and being able to see well enough to drive myself back home (90 miles) by the next day.  But in the end, none of that was a big deal at all (well, except the money but WORTH IT).

I may sound like a cheesy-ass ad but seriously.  I’ve worn contacts for 25 years, glasses for a couple of years beyond that.  I walked into that operating room unable to see the big E without corrective lenses.  I had high myopia and required about a -7.5 corrective diopter to see, at best, 20/30-ish.  My vision was about 20/400 uncorrected.  That is not good.  Impressive in its crappiness, actually, especially when you consider it’s been that bad since I was about 10 years old.

But now I see 20/15 in both eyes.  Better than “normal” visual acuity of 20/20.  I can’t even begin to tell you how cool it is to open my eyes in the morning and SEE.  EVERYTHING.  I can see in the shower!  I can fall asleep to the TV without worrying about my glasses!  I’ve never known what that was like.

It is AWESOME.

Tiny Little Smartass

I believe I’ve mentioned how Misty/Miss T (am still trying to give these new names a chance, perhaps it would be easier if I wrote more often) is cute but evil.  In yet another example of the child’s disturbing cleverness, yesterday N was playing Wii so that she could watch.  But then she got tired of Super Mario 3.

Misty:  I want to play a different game.  I want to play a different game.

N:  [says nothing; continues to play]

Misty:  I want to play a different game.  I want to play a different game.

N:  [still says nothing; continues playing]

Misty:  I want to play a different game.  I want to play a different game!  I! Want! To! Play! A! Different! Game!

Me: [in the kitchen, unsure as to whether N is purposely ignoring her or is so deep in the zone that he truly doesn't hear, but either way I am slowly being driven crazy whether he is or not]  MISTY.  That is ENOUGH.  We HEAR YOU.

Misty:  But I want to play a different game.  I want to play a different game!  I want to play a different game!

Me:  Say it again.  Say it ONE MORE TIME, and you’ll sit in time out.  [meaningful glare]

Misty:  [sweetly and deliberately]  Daddy, can you please put in another game?

A New Purchase

Though I did love my BMW X5 and for the most part I enjoyed owning and driving it, we decided to let it go and get something a bit more practical.  We’d had the X5 in the shop no less than four times since purchasing it a year ago, and between the constant threat of major mechanical problems and ever-rising gas costs, it began to feel rather like an albatross.

So we took it down to the local Toyota dealership and they offered us a good deal.  Now we’re rocking a 2011 Prius.  It isn’t flashy, it isn’t fast, but it is a smooth, dependable ride and quite frankly the potential gas savings make me a little weak in the knees.

N and I plan to trade off driving it, but I’ve been back behind the wheel of our old faithful 4Runner for a couple days now and honestly, I’m completely fine with that.  I loved that 4Runner from the second I got behind the wheel for a test drive back in October of 2001 and there was a part of me that always felt I’d betrayed it by buying the X5 in the first place.

It might sound silly, but now I think we’ve returned to the natural order of things.  I belong behind the wheel of that old stellar blue pearl (NOT PURPLE) 4Runner, not a snobby, stuffy, tank-like X5.  Turns out I wasn’t much of a BMW gal after all.

Cubicle Farms

I’ve been working in my current cube for 3 years now and while I’m generally not bothered by ambient office noise, the lack of privacy provided by 5.5-foot walls does get irritating.  Particularly when I’m in the midst of a deadline or trying to work on a complex budget.  My cube also happens to be at the end of a row at a rather high-traffic area, so people are walking back and forth all day long.

But a week from tomorrow, all that changes.  Because I’m moving into a new cubicle.  And it has eight-foot walls and a sliding door with frosted privacy glass.  A DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR.  With a lock even!  I am so excited!

There’s also a ton more desk space, lots of storage and several magnetic dry-erase boards.

Oh, and did I mention the door?  This new cubicle has a door.

(Seriously!  A DOOR!!)

The End

You’ve reached it.

Lex:  Why are my stuffed animals all in my laundry basket?

Me:  Because now it is a stuffed animal basket.

Lex:  Oh.  [leaves]

Lex:  [immediately comes back]  But where are my dirty clothes going to go now?

Me:  In a laundry basket.

Lex:  Okay.  [shrugs and walks away]

Man, I love this kid’s easygoing nature.  It sure is a nice contrast to his sister, who reacted to the changes in her room with “Why did you do that?  Why is that there?  But where did the other one go?  Why did you put that in my closet?  But WHY?!”

N.

I know!  All that to end up right back where we started, but I think it is for the best.**  Lex and Misty are here to stay, though.  They don’t get veto power because they don’t have access to my blog.

Segue!!

I got the monthly analytics report just now, and while I had opened this window with the intention of writing a couple of movie reviews I thought this might be more fun.  Or a easy post for the lazy.  However you prefer to look at it.  So anyway, what were some of the Google searches that brought people to my little corner of the web during July?  I thought you’d never ask.

“best soccer scenes in non-soccer movies” – This, gentle readers, is a very specific thing to be searching for with Teh Google, is it not?  And frankly, it’s something I’ve never given much thought…hmm.  The only movies involving soccer that I can come up (without cheating) are  Bend it Like Beckham (definitely a soccer (football) movie, and a good one at that), Kicking & Screaming (which is funnier than I thought it would be but again, entirely revolves around soccer)…and, um….Ladybugs (which I am ashamed – for so many reasons – to admit that I have seen more than once).  Beyond that, I can’t even think of any soccer movies (although for a minute I was all oh! Invictus! but no, that’s about rugby), much less any non-soccer movies that have a good soccer scene.  I realize why the word “soccer” brings so many people to this site and I was really hoping that maybe I had something movie-related to offer this person, but no.

“drop it as though its hot” – Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it actually ‘drop it LIKE it’s hot’?  Although I suppose if you are truly concerned with proper syntax, ‘drop it as though it is hot’ would be closer to accurate use of the English language.  Either way, ‘its’ is possessive, ‘it’s’ means IT IS.  Come on, people.  IT’S not that hard.

“how was your day” – Okay, who googles this?  No, I’m really asking.  Who?

“what did my rock candy not crystallize yet?” – I’m so sorry, Mystery Googler.  I hope you were able to eventually find the answer to your oddly-worded question, because lo, you did not find it here.

and finally, the strangest one of the lot (this month, anyway):

“bizarro y zoo” – I don’t even know.  Maybe my Spanish skills are rustier than I thought, but doesn’t this mean that someone was searching for bizarre AND zoo?   Hmm.  I’m actually a little afraid to think too hard about what kind of unique zoo this person may be seeking.

*I really, REALLY suck at coming up with titles, and also I hate it, so from now on if I can’t easily come up with something I’ll default to the same system as used to name tropical storms.

** Hey!  I could have used this system to figure out a name for N!  If I jump to the 2011 N name on that list it just so happens to be a guy’s name.  Huh.  Maybe I’ll do that after all.

So.  From now on, I’ll refer to AE as Lex.  It’s a shortened version of his real name, but not what we actually call him.  I could go with Xander, I suppose, but he’d appreciate the comic book/video game/movie connection of Lex.  So Lex it shall be.

And Miss T shall now be Misty.  (See what I did there?  Am so clever, yes?)  Essentially that’s how I see it in my mind when I’m writing about her anyway, so there you go.  It isn’t anything close to her real name unless you count the fact that it also has five letters and contains T and S.  Heh.

And what about N, you ask?  That’s a very good question.  Many of the four readers that I have know his real name already.  It is out there on the internet anyway due to the nature of his job.  I could call him by his real name, but will not.  I shall call him Nic, for no other reason than it annoys the living hell out of him.

There you have it.  To sum up, Lex = AE, Misty = Miss T, and Nic = N.

*

Yesterday I went for my Free! Lasik! Consult! as touted by a Houston-based doctor that comes to my city once a week.  I’ve been thinking about lasik (LASIK? Lasik? oh who cares) for a while, and if I’m serious about getting into any sort of law enforcement – federal or otherwise – it’s pretty much a must.  My vision uncorrected is something god-awful like 20/400.  I can’t even see the big E without my glasses or contacts, and most law enforcement agencies won’t consider anyone with uncorrected vision worse than 20/100 for a field position.

Anyway, yesterday I went for an evaluation and within 45 minutes I was signed up for the procedure.  August 18, yo.  Supposedly after resting my eyes that afternoon, I’ll be able to drive myself to the follow-up appointment the next morning, totally corrective-aid free.  I find this hard to believe, but it sounds awesome.  And only possible through magic.  Certainly it will not involve lasers aimed at my eyeballs, because that is horrific and scary and shudder-inducing.

Denial.  It ain’t just a river in Egypt, people.

*

Nic (man, even I hate the way that looks but I will persist) and I found ourselves sans kids last week (they were both out of town visiting grandparents) and we hardly knew what to do with ourselves in the evenings.  We muddled through, going out to dinner several times and even squeezing in a movie – Horrible Bosses.

I highly recommend this movie, you guys.  If you’ve ever had a boss that you’ve hated even a little (and if you say you haven’t, I say you’re lying), this is the movie for you.  Office Space is another movie I recommend for disgruntled employees, but it’s more applicable for corporate drones stuck in a cubicle farm.  Horrible Bosses appeals to a much wider audience.  Almost everyone has a boss, and very few people adore theirs.

Jason Bateman is awesome as always and perfect in his role as the voice of reason.  It reminded me of his character in Arrested Development (another must-see) – the long-suffering normal person who inevitably finds himself in the midst of crazy people.  And I really don’t care for It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (no link, just because) but Charlie Day was really funny and charming in a pathetic sort of way.  I didn’t think Jason Sudeikis was quite as good as the other two (probably because I’m never fond of the overgrown frat boy character), but every movie has to have a weak link and he did have some good lines.

The three bosses were cast perfectly as well.  Kevin Spacey was doing his standard thing, Jennifer Aniston was really vamping it up (her eye makeup was over-the-top and so not HER but it worked), and Colin Farrell does obnoxious and disgusting oh so very well.

The language is foul but the one-liners are great.  The theater was full and everyone laughed out loud throughout the entire movie.  There were none of the plot holes that I tend to expect in comedies – usually the writers are so focused on the jokes they tend to lose sight of the story, but not here.  And added bonus for me, the Old Lady Moviegoer that I am: only one scene made me cringe a little with crude “toilet humor”.  If (WHEN) you see it, you will know exactly what I mean and it really isn’t terrible at all, especially as compared to other “comedies” these days.  (OMG, Grandma?  Is that you?)

Horrible Bosses really isn’t anything you need to see on the big screen, of course.  Nic and I usually reserve that for blockbuster-type action movies that have impressive special effects, but since we had the opportunity (and I’d already seen Green Lantern which I’ll review some other time) we went for it.  Totally, totally worth the expense of the tickets and giant vat of Coke that Nic requires for any movie viewing – and I’ll definitely buy the DVD (or Blu-ray, I guess) whenever it comes out.  Two enthusiastic thumbs up:  one for me, and one for my movie reviewer by proxy.