NonSoccerMom.com

Last night at dinner, the conversation went a little something like this.  Unfortunately for him, N was outside putting the new license plates on my car and missed the entire thing.

Miss T: ROWR!!  I a LION!  I scare you!

AE: [giggling]

Miss T: ROWR!  ROWWWWWWWWWWWR!

Me: [laughing] Eat your food please.

Miss T: I a lion!  ROWR!

Me: Please eat.

Miss T: Brovver [brother], I scare you!  I a lion!

AE: [giggling]

Miss T: ROWR!  I keel you, brovver!

AE: [choking]  WHAT?!  Mom!  Did you hear that?

Me: [laughing]

Miss T: I keel you!  I keel you!  ROWWWWWWWWWWWR!

AE: Is she saying-

Me: [laughing]  That’s she’s going to kill you?  I think so.

AE: [offended]  Mom!  That’s not funny!

Miss T: [grinning like mad]  I keel you!  I keel you!

AE: Mom!  NOT!  FUNNY!

Me: [laughing hysterically] I’m going to have to disagree with you there, son.

As I was in the breakroom, getting a cup of coffee.

Coworker 1: So I hear you just got back from visiting the kids and that new grandbaby!

Coworker 2: Yes, I did!  I’ve been trying not to gush too much unless people ask…I’m sure it’s annoying.

Coworker 1: How was the trip?  I’m sure you had a wonderful time!

Coworker 2: Oh it was fantastic.  And it looks like they’ll be coming here for Christmas this year, which will be really good because my mother-in-law hasn’t seen them in a really long time.  She didn’t even make it to the wedding, she’s just too old.

Coworker 1: So did you ever put her down?

Coworker 2: [horrified pause]  Put…who…down?

Coworker 1: Your granddaughter!  I would have held her all the time and never wanted to put her down!!

Coworker 2: [immensely relieved]  Oh!  The baby!  Right.

*****

As I was sitting in my cubicle, this took place a few cubes away.

Very young, incredibly softspoken male coworker: [unintelligible]  Mmmmfmssmefffmrrffrrmmp.

Female coworker: Well I don’t think that’s right.  Are you sure?

VYISMC: Mmm! Mmfshrrrpmmmmffff.

Female coworker: That just really doesn’t seem right to me.  Let me check.

VYISMC: [waiting patiently]

Female coworker: Huh, what do you know.  You’re right!

VYISMC: Trmmooo!  Mmmfrrmmfssssshhhp!

Female coworker: Boy, I’m old enough to be your mama.  You should know better than to talk to me that way!

VYISMC: !!!

Female coworker: [laughing hysterically]

Guess what?  As if I didn’t already have enough going on, I’ve booked another trip this summer!  But this one’s work-related.  In July, I will be flying to a conference in…wait for it…

Providence, Rhode Island.

Please, try and contain your excitement.  You’re scaring the children.

I’m actually really looking forward to the trip.  I’ve never been to Rhode Island, and while I’m sure it isn’t the most riveting city on Earth (my apologies to its residents, who I am sure are quite lovely), I always like to experience new places.  Plus, three nights in a hotel room BY MYSELF.  I love my family more than life itself but rarely get the chance to do anything alone, you know?

I have to admit to being a little nervous, though – while I’ve done a great deal of traveling, very little of it has been solo.  In fact, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve even flown by myself:

1.  I flew from Ft. Lauderdale, FL to tiny Panama City Beach one summer in high school to attend youth camp.  Everyone else rode a bus from Texas to Florida but I was already there on a family vacation, so I hopped a puddle-jumper to meet up with the church group.

2.  While we were living in Denver, I went from there to Houston a couple of times while I was pregnant with AE.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand…that’s it.  Not to mention, there was always someone I knew on the other end of those flights, be it my parents, husband, or a youth group leader.

I’m mildly freaked at the idea of getting to a city where I’ve never been, being greeted by absolutely NO ONE, and then being solely responsible for getting my luggage, finding a cab, telling the driver where to go, and checking myself into the hotel on my company’s dime.  At least it is just a cab.  If I had to rent a car and DRIVE MYSELF SOMEWHERE…well, let’s just say that it’s probable that no one would ever see me again.  My navigational skills are on par with those of a toddler.  Or possibly a rock.

So.  Rhode Island!  Yes.  And although it’s just an hour from Boston, it’s doubtful that I’ll make it out that way (see above re: lack of a car and also Adult Life Skills), but hey.  Fine by me.  If I have time (since I am there to attend a conference, after all), I’ll just wander around and see what I can discover.

I’ll probably also spend a fair amount of time fretting.  Because my flight gets back here at noonish on a Thursday, then I have to repack for the whole family, we have to load up and take the kids to my parents’ place near Austin, and we fly out for San Francisco early the next morning.

San Francisco.

Where I’m running a half-marathon.

Gah.

I managed two whole posts in a row that had a cohesive theme throughout.  Tonight my streak comes to an end.

My dryer is a piece of shit, doo-dah, doo-dah*

The damn thing has started eating drawstrings.  It happened a few times before, but it was sporadic and so I didn’t think much of it but now it’s happening all the time.  There’s this little crevice above the door where the drawstring can evidently get hung.  Last night N and I were watching TV when all of a sudden the dryer noise changed.  I got up to investigate and sure enough, the drawstring of his new running shorts had gotten wedged into that hole.  I rescued them in time, but I lost a dress just a few weeks ago when the string got hung and the dress tumbled and tumbled around it until the string eventually snapped.  A pair of AE’s shorts got all jacked up this weekend, and prior to that a pair of pajama pants fell victim.  What is causing this?  The hole where the strings get hung is not a flaw or something that recently happened.  It’s part of the design.  It’s been there all along.  I’ve been using this dryer for almost four years and suddenly this is a problem?  I’ll tell you right now, I have no qualms about chucking the thing if it continues, that’s for damn sure.  It doesn’t dry my clothes anyway!  ARE YOU LISTENING, DRYER?!  YOU WERE ALREADY ON MY LIST FOR SUCKING AT YOUR ONLY JOB.  IF YOU CONTINUE TO EAT MY CLOTHES I’M KICKING YOUR ASS TO THE CURB.  Ahem.

*”Camptown Races” is the base melody N and I tend to use for a wide variety of catchy made-up song lyrics.  I don’t know.

My daughter sets me straight

Miss T was up past her usual bedtime the other night and consequently got pretty fussy as I was putting her in pajamas.

Miss T: I tired!  I wan my bed!

Me: I know, baby.  Me too.

Miss T: [giving me the Angry Eyes and pointing at the crib]  No.  Dat my bed.  Your bed in your room.

Believe me, kid, I’m not going to fold my 5’8″ self into your tiny little crib when I’ve got a king-size pillow-top mattress a few rooms away.  But thanks for clearing that up!

Mini movie review:  xXx

Why had I not watched this before now?  It was fun!  Exactly what I love in a movie!  Mindless action, great locales, and it didn’t try and take itself too seriously.  Vin Diesel obviously isn’t going for an Oscar, he was just having a good time.  Asia Argento is as gorgeous as the Prague backdrop, and it had just the right mix of action and storyline.  N watched it with me and didn’t complain once, and though we both agreed that the plot could have definitely been better-developed, it wasn’t terrible.  Plus, Samuel L. Jackson is just cool.  Thumbs up!

Fortunately, I like to be busy

We have sooooo much coming up over the next couple of months.  I don’t think we have a free weekend until after returning from Denver in mid-June, then we have a short breather before another round of travel in July.  Baseball games, gymnastics exhibitions, weddings, birthday parties, family visits, business trips…the summer is filling up fast.  It really kind of makes me wonder what we’ll do with ourselves when the kids are grown up and out of the house.  We’ll have a lot of free time, that’s for sure.

Unrelated

I ran 5 miles today.  That is all.

Every so often AE has free-writing time in class.  I’m not certain of the exact assignment, to be honest, but it’s pretty clear there’s no prompt.  Free-association first-grade style, I suppose.  I think they do it every Monday for sure, as a lot of the entries seem to relate to his weekend activities.  At any rate, a few weeks’ worth of entries get sent home at a time, and this time there were some doozies.  I thought I’d transcribe them here.  You are welcome.

I’ve typed them exactly, so all spelling/grammar errors are his.  My comments are in italics.

Dated 2/25/2010: I played with my sister and my dad yesterday.  We wathed america’s funniest home videos.  I luaghed so hard that I chocked. [Interestingly, I misspell "choked" this exact way every single time I first type it.  I did it just now.] We played video games.  All of us had dinner at the same time.  [There you have it, a glimpse into our fascinating lives.]

Dated 3/1/2010: I woke up on saturday morning and I read a book.  about 15 miuets later dad tried to scare me.  It did not scare me beacuase I was waiting alredy I was like waiting waiting waiting.  [Serious waiting, yo.  Although I'm unclear exactly what it was that he was waiting for.] I remembered our family at a beachouse.  [Random factoid, FTW!] I slept until nine o clock.  [For the record, this child, the earliest riser that has ever existed, has never slept until 9:00 in the morning.  Never once in his entire 7.5 years on this planet.]

Dated 3/3/2010: It took a long time for the bus to get to the play.  Anamaria kept on hitting me while we where on the bus.  When we got there the play was not on yet so me alex s [troublemaker "friend"] and cole [legitimate friend] played simon says.  The beast looked like a lion.  [WTF does that even mean?] Alex s decided it was a good idea to sit by me and take my jacket away from me on the way back.  [SEE?] He punched me in the privates a couple times too.  [I think we need to have a talk about the appropriateness of certain subjects in school essays.  Also, Alex S. is a TROUBLEMAKER.] Cole took my Jacket and told me he Give it to me when we got in the classroom so alex s would not get it.  [Random Capitalization.] Cynthia was right next to me and  did not help at all.  [Damn you, Cynthia!]

Dated 3/22/2010: I went to the zoo with my mom, dad and my sister.  I kind of liked it beacuase it took a lot of time to get there beacuase of the super bad traffic.  [See, and I kind of did NOT like it for that very same reason.] We liked it beacuase [he's quite consistent with the misspelling, at least] we got to see my favorite animals, the cats.  As soon as we saw the first monkey cage I thought oh brother.  [?]

Dated 4/6/2010: I went out of town on Saturday.  As soon as we got there I shouted horray!  On monday I got my cavity filled in It was fun.  [SO fun.  CRAZY fun, as dental fillings are wont to be.] I took 3 minutets.  [Granted, it did not take long.] I went on an egg hunt.  I got $3.25.  [Apparently chronological order - or a logical thought process - is of no consequence.]

And now, the  pièce de résistance, the entry that made me laugh out loud, dated 4/12/2010: I Don’t like it when my dad and mom send me down to a boring place [presumably his grandparents' house, the only place we ever "send" him] and just waste the whole weekend.  [He has STUFF TO DO.  And we are WASTING HIS TIME.] And that’s what they did.  [Horrible!] I had to slap myself 50 times.  [I might actually be concerned about this part if I didn't know my son so well.  This is his idea of a hilarious joke.  Welcome to my life.]

If the entries are going to keep increasing in quality like this batch did, I’m really looking forward to next month’s collection.