There’s this kid at school that’s been hassling AE for quite a while now. At first it didn’t seem like a big deal, and was in fact material for pretty funny school journal entries. But then it continued. Almost every day AE would come home saying that Alex S. had punched him in the privates. We asked him if his teacher knew this was going on, and he said yes. Yet it didn’t stop.
Finally I sent his teacher an e-mail. AE’s father and I are concerned, I said. Is this normal playground roughhousing, or is something more going on? As I’m sure you’re aware, it’s hard to get the straight story out of a seven-year-old.
She responded almost immediately. I was aware that this behavior had happened in the past. I did not realize it was still going on. I will speak to the boys right away. I will make sure it stops. Thank you so much for bringing it to my attention.
When I picked AE up from school that day, the first thing he did was tell me how his teacher had pulled him aside. I’m supposed to tell her if Alex S. punches me in the privates again, he exclaimed. Good, I said. Just remember that it’s not a matter of being a tattletale just to get him in trouble. Punching you like that is not okay.
I know, Mom, he assured me.
A few weeks passed, in which AE’s reports of Alex S.-based harassment seemed less frequent. He mentioned a few instances in which the kid had been sent to the principal or put in ISS (in-school suspension), but usually because of some other infraction. But there were a few times where the punishment was a result of punching AE. In the privates. Again.
AE assured me that his teacher was on top of it. She knows, she saw it happen, she sent him right to the principal.
So I let it go.
But yesterday afternoon at work, my phone rang. It was an outside number that I didn’t recognize, but I figured it was a faculty member calling me from home. I answered.
Hello, the voice said, this is AE’s teacher, Ms. B. I wanted to let you know that there was another incident with the boys today. During music class, Alex S. hit your AE in the privates yet again. I listened quietly as she continued. I’m at my wit’s end. I’ve done everything I can think of to get through to Alex S. I’ve sent him to the principal, he’s been put in ISS. I’ve told him to stay away from AE and I’ve discussed things with his mom. As a mother myself, I know how frustrated you must be. I just want you to know that I’m doing everything I can, but nothing seems to help.
I know you are, I said, and I appreciate it. They won’t be in the same classroom again next year, will they?
Absolutely not, she said. I’ve already turned in my recommendation. AE is a good kid. He’s not doing anything to provoke this behavior, Alex S. just seems to have fixated on him for some reason. The other kids in the class were the ones to tell me today. AE was just standing there minding his own business.
We talked for a few more minutes and she welcomed me to contact the principal, assuring me that he is aware of the entire situation. Great, thank you for calling me, I said sincerely. It was after I hung up that I realized: I have absolutely no idea how to deal with this. These aren’t the things you think about when you’re pregnant and glowing and buying crib sheets. These aren’t the things you think about confronting with when your toddler is throwing a fit about dinner options for the eleventy hojillionth time. I’m not prepared for this.
So what do we do? N and I discussed it, but really, what are our options? One of my coworkers – whose children are grown – suggested calling the kid’s mother. Whatever the school’s doing as punishment clearly isn’t making a difference. You need to make sure his mother is aware there’s a problem. She’s got a point, but the very idea of calling his mom nearly makes me break out in hives. I’ve met her before, and she was nice enough, but I can’t even fathom beginning THAT conversation.
Well, then tell AE to hit him back, this same coworker suggested. Yeah, a few male coworkers chimed in. He needs to hit Alex S. in the nuts. That’ll teach him. Surprisingly, my mother – a 30-year teaching veteran – suggested the very same thing.
Okay. While I do realize that often bullies only understand their own language – in this case, nut-punching – I just don’t think I’m ready to tell my kid that I condone such activities, no matter the situation. It’s a fine line between standing up for oneself and merely stooping to the bully’s level. On the other hand, I do think he is old enough to understand if we explained Look, normally we don’t allow such things. And the school will have to punish you, because it is breaking the rules. But maybe he’ll get it if he sees how much it hurts. Maybe he’ll finally leave you alone.
But even if we gave the green light, I don’t think AE would be able to bring himself to do that. He’s not programmed that way. He’s not like Alex S.
I don’t know. That’s what it all boils down to. The school year is almost over, and with the assurance that the boys won’t be in the same classroom next year, I’m tempted to continue to let it go. It’s just this one kid with a fixation, it’s not like AE is constantly the target of bullying.
Except.
N pointed out something that I hadn’t considered – Alex S. attended the school district’s all-day summer camp last year, just like AE.
So with that realization, now there’s another, louder part of me that’s tempted to e-mail the principal a warning. Just so you know, I’ve given my child the go-ahead to punch Alex S. in the nuts. Punish him if you want, but we’re taking him out for ice cream afterward.
