Yet another cut-and-paste from an e-mail conversation with my sister.  This one goes downhill quickly, folks.  Our mother would be horrified (as usual).  Poor Mom.  She tried so hard to raise proper ladies.

Me: This is like the longest day ever. I’m working but today is passing so SLOW for some reason!! GAAAAAAAH.

Sher: Yes it is long. I am starving for lunch. I think my body knows I am trying to eat healthy so it keeps craving crap food I shouldn’t eat. I feel like an alcoholic coming down from a bender. Except with food.

Me: Whenever I decide I am going to try and eat healthier that is always what happens to me too. I usually end up eating worse than I normally would. I wish I had a solution, but sadly not.

Sher: I think that your body really gets used to whatever you eat and then when you try to change, it is NOT having it! I wish I had a solution too. I want to invent food that is fried or prepared in an equally non-nutritional way but that is good for you without losing any of the flavor or yummy goodness.

Me: There’s another million-dollar idea – yummy fried food that is good for you. Get on that.

Sher: It’s a fantastic idea. I just need some kind of scientist and lots of start up capital, if you know anyone. I WANT TO EAT HOT BONELESS BUFFALO WINGS NOW.

Me: Ha ha ha, I’ll get right on that. I am eating Chick-fil-a chicken strips. FREE ones, which as you know makes them taste even better. YUM.

Sher: OMG Chick-fil-a sounds magnificent. I have too many leftovers to eat though. I can’t justify it. Maybe later this week….I keep staring off into space. I don’t know what my deal is. Oh right. I’m tired and this job is boring.

Me:  My keyboard is kind of greasy now. One should never eat Chick-fil-a and type an e-mail at the same time. A napkin doesn’t quite cut it apparently. GROSS.

Sher: Way to go. I have done that before. I actually took one of those air blowy things to my keyboard the other day and MAN that was gross. All sorts of crap was flying out of it.

Me: Ugh, yes, the canned air does do a great job of cleaning out the keyboard but YUCK. I practically needed safety goggles the last time I did that to my keyboard. You know, they say the surface of your desk is dirtier and more germ-infested than a PUBLIC TOILET SEAT. Think about THAT the next time you are eating at your desk. EWWWWWWWW.

Sher: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. That is sick. I always forget that. I feel gross even touching my desk now – thanks.

Me: I have to wonder, though, exactly why our desks are so nasty. I’m not doing anything to make it a haven for germs. It’s not like I’m wiping it down with raw chicken or snot-filled kleenex or putting my dirty shoes on top of it. Animals aren’t pooping on it as far as I know. What is it that the “cleaning” people are doing to make my desk filthy? I mean, they certainly aren’t dusting it but I don’t think dust is toxic.

Sher: Hahahahahahaha, “animals aren’t pooping on it as far as I know” hahahaha. There could be a whole lot of crap going on after hours on that desk of yours. But I agree, what IS it that is making our desks so nasty? Maybe it is just because you don’t sanitize your desk as often as a toilet gets cleaned? I guess between sneezing, eating, and other people bringing their germs over….Scares me to know what kind of bacteria is chilling over here.

Me:  OH GOD. OH MY GOD. Maybe I have a very dirty mind, but the phrase “after hours” made me think that maybe the cleaning people are doing VERY INAPPROPRIATE THINGS on my desk. Like that episode of Friends where they watch Joey’s…ahem…”movie” where he’s the copy machine repairman!!! And now I understand why our copier never works correctly! REALIZATION HAS DAWNED AND DEAR GOD I MUST WEAR GLOVES TO WORK NOW.

Sher:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I did not even THINK of it that way!!! SICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. Screw gloves, I am going to have to wear one of those biohazard suits!