I managed to talk N into watching G.I. Joe with me, even though after the debacle that was Crank 2 he was sort of a tough sell. (It’s okay, I told him, just pretend it’s Basilisk: The Serpent King – a made-for-TV cinematic gem we watched recently. He seemed fine with that. Like I’ve said before, it’s a fine line with him between really bad and totally unwatchable.)
We were both pleasantly surprised. I had zero expectations, of course, because I am an action movie junkie and easy to please. But about 30 minutes in, I asked if he was bored and he said no. So that’s always a plus. Contrary to what he thinks, I do hate knowing that he’s miserably suffering through some POS movie for my sake. (Because nine times out of 10, I’m enjoying it just fine.)
The big thing going on here was the cast. Several big names, lots of newbies, but no one person was the real focus. I enjoy movies like that. If you don’t like the main star of a movie it’s hard to get past, but if it’s kind of an equal-opportunity deal then that’s less likely to happen.
Channing Tatum is somewhat of a puzzle to me. I feel like I should know who he is. He looks very familiar but I haven’t seen anything he was in before. I do know that he’s been a model for Abercrombie & Fitch and Gap among others, plus plenty of TV commercials. So I guess that’s it. Either way, he’s cute and has this soft-spoken southern boy thing going for him. I approve of him as the choice for Duke (who would be classified as the story’s protagonist if I had to pick one. Look at me, I remember stuff from high school English! Mrs. Mitchell would be so proud.)
Arnold Vosloo is absolutely always a great choice. I’ve been fascinated with him ever since he showed up in The Mummy. He’s had guest-starring roles on some of my favorite TV shows over the years (most notably Charmed, NCIS and Psych), and I’m always excited to see his name in the credits. I think he always adds a positive spin, even as the bad guy. Creepy yet charming, and certainly mysterious. Win.
As far as I’m concerned, Sienna Miller is a nobody except for her relationship with Jude Law. I’ve never seen any of the little indie films she’s been in. But. I adored her in this movie. She was breathtaking. I want to BE HER. The hair, the kick-assedness, the access to awesome toys, the whole nine yards. LOVE.
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje is one of those people that shows up kind of randomly but is always a plus. He’s very exotic and pretty, first of all. And who doesn’t love a British accent? Nobody, that’s who.
I have a long-standing adoration of Dennis Quaid. Innerspace is one of my faves from way back when. Even though he’s old enough to be my father, he’s a fellow Houstonian and simply adorable. Unfortunately, he wasn’t really a prominent fixture in G.I. Joe, and the lines he did have seemed…forced. But that’s okay, Dennis. I love you!
Ray Park is kick-ass. Enough said.
Rachel Nichols seems to be one of those chameleon-like people, who can look totally different in every role they take. But she was good as Scarlett, pretty and smart and lots of style. Her hair was gorgeous too.
Marlon Wayans was a good solid choice for Ripcord. Obviously I don’t know a lot about the G.I. Joe comics, nor did I ever play with the action figures as a child, but for the movie he worked as the comic relief. Funny but not distracting.
And Joseph Gordon-Levitt is all grown up! Who knew? I just remember him as that kid on Third Rock From the Sun (a show I kind of hated but watched anyway). He’s only 2 years my junior but still. I feel old for some reason.
Finally, Christopher Eccleston. I can say with absolute certainty that he is the ONLY reason my husband agreed to watch. (He’s also the only reason that N watched 28 Days Later. We’re Doctor Who fans up in here.) He’s fascinating to me too, mostly because he’s riiiiiiiiight on the cusp of being handsome but doesn’t quite make it. He’s a great actor though, whether lending his expertise to a post-apocalyptic zombie-overrun London or playing a futuristic gun-runner. Either way, I’ve never been disappointed watching something with him in it.
Overall, G.I. Joe was a good solid movie. Enough plot to be coherent, not so much to be confusing. The last 20 or so minutes were a clear set-up for a sequel (really, they could not have been more obvious unless there had been people parading around carrying signs that read “SEQUEL COMING SOON”), but that’s fine. I’m rarely offended by sequels to movies that I enjoy (unless, of course, they suck) but since the original was enjoyable if not exactly Oscar-caliber, I’m sure any subsequent plotlines will be equally watchable.
My score: Thumbs up. N’s score: “Honestly, for what it was, I thought it was okay.” That’s as good as it gets with him, folks. About as close to a ringing endorsement as you’ll ever see.
